Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Battle at Midway.

Round four the midway point of this course of chemo. Things are much better so far. I sleep reasonably well the night of infusion which was yesterday. I am not melting down today. Maybe I am getting used to all this chemo and it is starting to become my norm and so I am not over reacting to the drugs.
Round three was learning how to control the insomnia and the diarrhea. I seem to have a better handle on that, so the fatigue is not so acute. I am however in a chemo fog of varying degrees all the time now. My hair lose is continual, it sheds every day. I am getting thin on top and now have the male bald spot. I still have the bushy beard and all that body hair. I get headaches, sore and bloody sinuses, mouth sores which come and go quickly. I have had to change or improve all my hygiene practices. Wash my hands constantly with anti bacterial soap, brush my teeth 3-4 times a day with a soft tooth brush and use bioteene mouth wash and tooth paste. I need to avoid crowds, hard to do sometimes. So when I am in a crowd, politely keep my distance. Not visit or have any body over who has a cold or flu. I cannot risk any virus's or infections of any kind. It defiantly rules out driving school bus. My right eye goes blurry sometimes and at first I kept taking of my glasses and cleaning them. All these things are minor annoyances and I can cope with them easy enough. It is coping with the big four, fatigue,insomnia, diarrhea,and fog head. The unpleasant ones are the insomnia. It majorly affects the fatigue, and of course severe diarrhea. It drains what little bit of energy you have out of you . I am happy to be able to control the insomnia and whole gastrointestinal problem with medications and diet. It now means that I am tired and groggy all the time. I can live with being a stoned couch potato. Now if I could only figure out how to use this damn remote!
If you recall my opening mono log about Pearl Harbor then you will also recall that I wrote about the battle of Midway being the turning point in the tide of aggression, well round four is my midway and we are turning the tide!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Breakfast of Champions.

Monday,July 13th. My head is a lot clearer today but I still feel in recovery from round three. A very close family friend who has had her own battle with the Beastie described being treated with chemo as being in a chemo fog. How right she is! Each round not only effects my body, it also messes with my mind. This fog takes over and I can't control my emotions. I crash and burn hard and just become an emotional wreck! My head hurts, not like a headache. It is not a throbbing pain but rather a constant dull pressure, like being submerged under cloudy water. The first round I only went under a couple of feet and emerged quickly. However each round plunges me deeper into this fog and it is darker with more pressure and it takes longer to surface!
My mother was here during those days and I promised myself that I would show man sized strength and courage and let her see that her Baby Boy ( Yes I am some one's baby boy believe it or not and no you don't need to tell Ripley's.) was coping well and all this chemo stuff was just a walk in the park and not to worry. Well I failed miserably. I cried on Mommy's shoulder a lot. I am afraid it was very hard on her. No matter how old your child gets it is very hard to see them hurting and not be able to kiss the boo's boo's away.
I was informed about all the possible side affects of the chemo drugs they have me on and given literature telling me all about them. There is one however that they give me in oral form and I must take it for four days starting infusion day. I was not informed about this drug at all. I did my own research and discovered that it has a lot of side affects associated with it and not good one's. This drug is Dexamethasone, a steroid. It is an anti-inflammatory and an immune system depressant. I take it to help me cope with the chemo drugs. One of the side affects of this drug is psychiatric. It causes depression, mania, manic and emotional disturbances. One has to take mega doses to go nuts on this stuff, but my dosage is high enough to cause me to have sleepless nights, and to go a little whacko for a few days. This is also one of the steroids that athletes get checked for. I have no know idea how this can be a performance enhancer! Well wait a minute, there was that first night!!!It wouldn't be to bad if it let trip the light fantastic, but now I know were roid rage come's from.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Which way do I go Doc ?, Which way do I go?

Today, July 7th, was infusion day, round three, and it started out ok but odd things happened all day. First off I left my music at home after making sure that all my cd's were in my case and that I put my case where I would not forget it! I didn't even realize it until I sat down in the recliner to start infusion. DUH!!! I watched an old Jimmy Stewart movie instead. My Mom arrived today and that part is really Good. We chatted on the patio and the weather was perfect. Later that day on my way home, (maybe all my friends at Liberty should skip this part, I migth need a job later.) I bumped into the stopped car in front of me. It was very minor absolutely no visable damage. I fell victim to the cell phone ringing and I was searching for it because it fell out of my pocket and I took my eye of the road. As the light turned green, I was sitting in my car muttering, c'mon man just go, but nooo he got out and we talked. After seeing that there was no marks on either car I said " you don't want to exchange info. Do you?'' He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his opened door leaned in and talked to his wife. I could see her shaking her head yes. Drat!!! I dread telling my Insurance Co. But a man gotta do what a mans gotta do.
My mother in law cooked and delivered a wonderful meal for us and we all ate heartily. Well they did anyway. I suffered from mouth cramps. Ah c'mon I here all the chuckles and all the snigh comments, serves him and his big mouth right!! Finally something shut him up, or a,int Justice sweet! Yea I know, thanks a lot y'all. Well the saga continues. My evening was spent showing mom pic's of the grand kids on the laptop. I tried to print one. Well the printer got jammed. So now not only did it jam ,but after the jam was cleared it won't reload paper. I guess I broke the darn thing and it's new to boot!!! It was finally time go to bed and put and end to this day. I have not sleep at all. Bed at 11:oo, upstairs recliner at 1:54, downstairs at 2:30, blog and tea. till 5:00. Goon night all... I mean Morning all... I think!!
Medicine in the form of a daughter.

Having Lauren near always warms that piece of my heart that only Lozzie can reach! I have a place like that for each of my children and grandchildren. Not seeing them or holding them or just being with them can make that special heart part ache!!!
Having my children live so far away is a circumstance of my life I have always disliked emensly, and when one of them come's to visit, my heart go'es all a glow, My time with Lauren was like medicine, heart warming love infusing medicine!!! Things are much better now.