Breakfast of Champions.

Monday,July 13th. My head is a lot clearer today but I still feel in recovery from round three. A very close family friend who has had her own battle with the Beastie described being treated with chemo as being in a chemo fog. How right she is! Each round not only effects my body, it also messes with my mind. This fog takes over and I can't control my emotions. I crash and burn hard and just become an emotional wreck! My head hurts, not like a headache. It is not a throbbing pain but rather a constant dull pressure, like being submerged under cloudy water. The first round I only went under a couple of feet and emerged quickly. However each round plunges me deeper into this fog and it is darker with more pressure and it takes longer to surface!
My mother was here during those days and I promised myself that I would show man sized strength and courage and let her see that her Baby Boy ( Yes I am some one's baby boy believe it or not and no you don't need to tell Ripley's.) was coping well and all this chemo stuff was just a walk in the park and not to worry. Well I failed miserably. I cried on Mommy's shoulder a lot. I am afraid it was very hard on her. No matter how old your child gets it is very hard to see them hurting and not be able to kiss the boo's boo's away.
I was informed about all the possible side affects of the chemo drugs they have me on and given literature telling me all about them. There is one however that they give me in oral form and I must take it for four days starting infusion day. I was not informed about this drug at all. I did my own research and discovered that it has a lot of side affects associated with it and not good one's. This drug is Dexamethasone, a steroid. It is an anti-inflammatory and an immune system depressant. I take it to help me cope with the chemo drugs. One of the side affects of this drug is psychiatric. It causes depression, mania, manic and emotional disturbances. One has to take mega doses to go nuts on this stuff, but my dosage is high enough to cause me to have sleepless nights, and to go a little whacko for a few days. This is also one of the steroids that athletes get checked for. I have no know idea how this can be a performance enhancer! Well wait a minute, there was that first night!!!It wouldn't be to bad if it let trip the light fantastic, but now I know were roid rage come's from.