Putting the cart before the horse.

I think we have at one time or another let our emotions and feelings take us down the path of forboding and despair, thinking the worst and not seeing the bright side. That is how I have been feeling lately, letting my feelings run away with the practical me and filling my head and heart with the worst. The report from the radiologist painted a bleak picture. The thoracic surgeon showed me images of the hot areas and made it look like a lot. I came away from that consultation with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know haveing a good outlook and attitude is important to one's well being. I have kept my chin up and have had a positive attitude for most of my battle with Goliath. But some times despair does take hold and I get down. I am glad to say that my visit with Dr. Semien my ongologist has shed new light and I have regained my positive attitude.

She feels that Goliath has set up a very small camp and that there isn't much to worry about, however she wants me to go back on chemo and check on Goliath after five rounds. As it turns out five rounds is five months. A round will consist of Avastin, Flourouricil-F-5u and Loucovorin infused into my port five days in a row once a month and then Avastin every two weeks for one infusion. This is going to tie me to hospital/infusion for eight days a month. The Redwood City facility is very busy,crowded,and disjointed hospital. Compared to Antioch's new facility it is a dump. I know, I know ,you are thinking eight days? Yes eight days, I have to do blood draw two days before every infusion. That will be two days a month for labs and six days a month for infusion.

I have decided to do chemo again partially because Goliath has not spread as bad as I was lead to believe and because there are new drugs available to me if need be that weren't available last time I did chemo. These new drugs are called Biotherapy and not chemotherapy. The drug Avastin is a drug I did before with very good results and was the newest drug two years ago and is a biotherapy drug. Now there are one or two newer ones. These drug are so specific that only people without a certain type of gene mutation are able to benefit from these new biotherapies. I do not have that mutation so I will be able to have these drugs if needed. So there is a new truth!! I will keep on doing what is needed at the time to fight Goliath. It is too early to give in. This battle is turning into a long one and I won,t let Goliath beat me mentally. He will have to beat my physically. He may eventually take my body but he will never get that part of me that makes me me!!